I Have to Believe

This is the beginning of History - a walk back to one's own self. They call it sometimes 'the eternal return. – Matisyahu

We fight ourselves, sabotage efforts, make excuses.  We stumble, we fall, we fail.  WE do things and put ourselves into situations that will break us down knowing even as it happens that it’s wrong… like the slippery slope of a hill that you just ascended seeing your footsteps that led you UP as you slide DOWN and past them.  We also put ourselves into these situations to see how far we can go and so that we can grow stronger in spite of the imperfect ending.

I have been climbing more lately, spending time on the climbing wall at my sexy, new gym.  I had a nice belay slave in one of the guy’s working so I took my time and had fun.  I had been climbing for almost an hour, my arms were flamed and I decked out because I missed my first clip.  I had to laugh in spite of myself.  It was an easy mistake, a careless moment, and I knew I was done for the day. 

Failure, loss, missed clips… it’s all part of the deal.  We have to find our way back and so very often it’s not an easy journey and I’ve always felt it happens on two planes. 
On one hand we are returning to ourselves, the truest places we hold, the very essence of our be-ing. We are eliminating the things that keep us from being our authentic selves.  We are building, fixing, enhancing what is internally ours what we can control.
On the other we are forever moving forward always adding to the journey and the things we are faced with each day in this life.  The things we can only react to. 

I have to believe I am doing this each day.  And we learn… and we grow stronger despite our weaknesses, faults and failures. 


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