Friday, April 15, 2011

Breaking News: Clock Blocked by Urban Dictionary

sadThis just in... (well actually, it happened yesterday morning but I've had zero time to talk about it, and frankly my head is still spinning).  In an ironic twist of epic proportions, Clock blocking was DENIED access into the elite status of an urban dictionary term yesterday.

As many of my my readers and Mud Mafia Running family know, this term, clock blocking, was coined during a long run a few months back on a group long run at Walnut Park with Jim Collison.  I trademarked the term and we have a web page now: www.clockblocking.com.  My blog is normally reserved for training stories, observations and clean eating – and it still is – but I have committed myself to injecting this word into the mainstream consciousness and I won’t rest until I have a Nike commercial or Lance Armstrong drops it in an interview so I had to post!  This news symbolizes a set-back.  But I’m not one to give up hope. Urban Dictionary has just awakened a sleeping dragon. 

This brings us back to yesterday’s devastating event.  TechnicianClocking blocking was clock blocked.  I'm not even sure that the laws of physics can mathematically explain this.  I've been working tirelessly in our clock blocking laboratory (in all fairness, the laboratory is my living room and most of that time I was sleeping on the couch, empty protein shake containers strewn all around me) with beakers and Bunson burners, goggles, white lab coats, and… other scientifically relevant lab paraphernalia to make sense of this injustice.  An email sent directly from the prestigious noreply@urbandictionary.com confirmed the news. 

In two heartbreaking lines we were told the grim facts: "Thanks for your definition of Clock Blocking!  Editors reviewed your entry and have decided to not publish it."

***(heretofore I will be referring to myself in the third person to represent all people who know and appreciate the clock blocking movement)***

The upbeat exclamation mark in the first line gave us hope that what would follow would lead us into infamy.  We were sorely mistaken and the second line had us scouring the house for cyanide a crisp Mint Julep.  We were thrown into an emotional deluge of, well, emotions.  Philosophically, if urban dictionary doesn’t recognize clock blocking, does it exist?  Can it have meaning if urban dictionary rejects it’s relevancy? 

nietzscheIn our downward existentialist spiral we thought of Friedrich Nietzsche, "It is absolutely impossible for a subject to see or have insight into something while leaving itself out of the picture, so impossible that knowing and being are the most opposite of all spheres."

Of course, it all made sense. After calling 11 people to explain what that quote meant and being told that it had very little relevancy to our current situation the panic subsided and my therapist had enough cash in hand to head to Maui for a week.  We pulled it together.

Our quest for getting clock blocking into the mainstream sad-faceconsciousness doesn't end here.  Oh no.  In fact, as we speak (I mean I type and you read it, well technically once you are reading this I've already typed it so maybe it is happening as you read... I digress) I am crafting an email to marketing channels that have reach, intelligent and like-minded readers such as ourselves.  So editors at  www.textsfromlastnight.com and www.damnyouautocorrect.com check your inbox.  We're coming for you.  Urban Dictionary... we respectfully offer our "noreply" of our own: you suck.  Do you have a definition for that one?

Editor’s Note: If you, like me, see the injustice, let it be heard.  We can be silent no more.  Text it, tweet it, FB post the hell out of it.  Down with Urban Dictionary and their tyrannical editing style. I call clock blocking and if they’d put it in their dictionary, they’d know what that means.